The Balcony feeling!

Its a great evening here. The still but cool breeze, longing silence, and a very pleasing smell of vegetation around, I never realized I have such a beautiful Balcony in my flat. Believe me I have wandered many places, settings, seats that never gave me the sense of fulfillment to my ever wandering consciousness. Its funny, look its next to my room, near to the kitchen where I am enjoying the smell of tea that my mom is preparing for me. The infinite visibility around....! hmm.. I can hear each and every sounds, every decibels. I can see the every sparks of light moving and again disappearing. I think I am elevating, sublimating like I had never been before. I am simply observing everything, listening to every bits, interposing everything nature has given to itself. Who said its hard to witness, just witness, to be happy or just to feel happy? Did I just enjoyed the moment, like people say  "Live the moment, Enjoy the moment"? I don't know but I have to go in now, my knees are freezing and, I can no more decline a tea-call from my mom.

The Resurgence

                                                                                                          By: Mahesh Aryal

The Resurgence

She was constantly sipping coffee, a strong one. The coffee did its finest work and Anusha was not asleep while she caught the bell ringing clearly for once from a distance that night. Some messy words in the laptop’s screen, similar kind of preparatory in the writing and usual monologue. She always wanted to get out of imagination and, realize all those moments that she had transpired into her work as a writer. That is where the problem lies, being the personality for real. May be writers, moreover, fiction writers don’t have a gut to be a real hero. She went in the state of defenselessness. Then she chose to wisp a cigarette and closed her laptop with an empty blank screen. Each moment man runs for something either in imaginings or for reality. She was confused about what she was running for, actually she was tousled about she was confused or not. She had to write something because she couldn’t stay not writing. She always wrote what she had felt, what she felt being part of her work with some crazy imagination. What writers do when they are wedged in this kind of situation? She did the same for few more hours, the revival of the story, she thought she need a rational revival.

It was not a decision in haste. She worked on some plans but she knew that disposition never works in that kind of setting. It wasn’t a fiction she was going to write. She hadn’t seen him for more than four years. Even after this interval of time, her brain cells were still inculcating her body to excite, to excite in search of that allure. Few years back, he was standing between his friends.  He was in navy blue pants, long sleeved fitting white t-shirt with rectangular black buttons. He was fair and smiling with curly hairs and the red-bordered spectacles. He spoke very less but Anusha was busy trying to translate the thousands of words radiated by him sitting at the corner of the college reception. She just realized what she felt was so beautiful, very translucent. In words, they look more beautiful, genuine. She knocked herself saying “it’s not a writer’s time” and stopped oozing it out. But she got an approval from herself that it wasn’t just a kind of forced act or compulsion. It was still a mystery, the revival of her character.

It was the evening of early September she sent him a friend request in Facebook. Within a day the request got accepted. She found it quite easier than texting him in his cell-number that she had stanchly copied from the student- info note book from her college. She even had to bribe the receptionist with a good snacks treat in exchange to his cell number. It looked like a frantic plot she was working for. She was desperately prepared to unveil her words and he was the one who would be beginning the new episode of his life. Actually, she was, materializing the imagination.

“Hello there!” She started with a very usual greetings. She kept staring the waving blue dots in return for few more seconds.

“Hello” he replied which was also very usual response on that much time.

“Ummm…” she really couldn’t collect any words.

“? :)” she received in a reply.

She smiled for herself, grasped the breath and typed very firmly. He never knew what was happening to her anyway. She was expecting few more interaction to ease herself.

“Okay, how are you doing? Tell me about your study, Kshitiz! ” She assumed that the words were pretty confident then, which became none of use after he left saying; all good... got to go, again with the smiley.

For subsequent two days she got ample of time to contemplate. He didn’t appeared in a chat and she didn’t show any courage to talk on the phone. She decided to inscribe something. She just wanted to take an advantage of ‘Put what you feel in the paper’. She didn’t like that inkling but the writer transpired out and became busy to explain the reason of resurgence, attached her blog URL and told him to read the story she had once written for him.

Next morning there was something in her inbox.

“I read the story, was the message a part of promotion of your blog?  I am still not believing it, how can I be part of your story?”

She was really excited by the initiation of talks. He was handsome enough to make her fall for him. She didn’t have much talks with him. If the words are to be written here it would roughly contain 100 words. Most of the words were very formal because of her introverted nature. It was really hard time for her to manage all that whim. They were to be expressed but she didn’t find any better way. Then she worked for 3 a.m. in one of the morning four years back and wrote a fiction (story) characterizing him which concluded with some happy ending.

She didn’t know why she was acting like as if she was just up to the writing. Her words were clearly implying those things. She was not so sure whether her words affects him or not. After all these years the words mightn’t be sufficient to make something out of people but they can’t ignore words. The words are always expression of something and people always have respect for the work even if the writers are less interesting in person. She assumed that he was capable enough to understand the yawning indications. He kept answering her and she was very happy about that.

“So Kshitiz, Do you really think the character is you?”

“Actually I was surprised to know that I had an impression on you! I read the story. I felt your character is me at many points like, selection of characters named Kush Bhatt, the character wearing nerdy glasses and obviously, that college uniform!”

“Yeah, I was pretty much impressed by you and your nose. It was really wonderful, those specs looked really cool in that nose…I’m sorry! :)!”

“Ha-ha, I got the person who talks good about my glasses, thank you, this is the first nice compliment I have ever heard about my nerdy look, believe it or not!”

It is true, praising someone really works. She was enjoying warming conversation. After all, she was interacting with the boy, the sweetest boy she could ever dream of. She couldn’t believe the way things became perfumed like that.

“Hello there! How was the day?” She was really excited for the talk.

But she got null responses. A kind of bad feeling hemmed in her and the intensity became quite high and she typed: “Was it really a silly question to ask?”

After all she received tons of response. She didn’t expect that twist in her story. Initially, she didn’t get any words then she went twice through it. She couldn’t believe it was his words. How could he have such words with her after all these things?  The words were busy criticizing her work, with preposterous negativity. She felt it was simply unacceptable. She already thought of giving up the whole thing.  But she felt it was the worst way to end.

“Was this all the strategy ‘get rid of’?” She had both annoyance and nervousness. She kept on waiting for the reaction. But nothing appeared for next two days. But whatever she saw was out of her thoughts. First few messages clearly spoke “Get the hell away….” But the last message appeared very different and was again unanticipated one -

“Umm….Sorry actually, that was her. That criticism was not mine. I am avid reader and fiction draws me too. I am the fan of fiction writing, so I liked the story when you said you wrote it imagining me. I am really sorry to each and every words. There is no meaning in criticizing you. If I have to say something I will choose suggestion instead of criticism. I know that you know how it feels when someone writes with such fascinating words to his boyfriend. It’s not any kind of stratagem. Its reality, she loves me and I do the same. We are in a relation since some years and we can’t stop looking each other’s stuffs. That is it. And, never think that you are creating any disturbance to me. I read articles on your blog, they are really nice reading, that was all I wanted to say and remove the misunderstandings.”

She didn’t have enough reason to create unworthy twist in the story then. She sat on the floor with the littered papers. She shuffled all those papers and mixed them thoroughly. With her hands in her unwashed dry hair, twisting the strands, she stood up. She was known about his relationship.  She smiled at herself because it was a new dimension to her work, ludicrous one. She accepted it was a failure for her but she convinced herself-it was indeed a happy ending. It’s their strong relationship that defeated her affection for Kshitiz. She knew that she would be fine just having those words transformed into her work. There is no such thing like, winning and losing ends in so called love, it is always winning.

Thanks for reading!

The girl with a Thai-hair cut

"She looked really pretty among the girls and few boys. We were there to celebrate the Saturday morning. A morning after rain, laughter of my friends under Jacaranda tree and its floating smell, the combination was wonderful. The maroon colored sun was uplifting the soul of everything. Green leaves, wet purple blue flowers, dewdrops down on the grass, somersaulting children (One of them was me) and many more…was reflecting each and every colors. And the experience was like inhaling  a real ecstasy.We were circling the tree with a hand curved in the stem, sliding on the bark…One after another……another after that one…..with the giggles.....can't realize who was chasing whom. Between them she was the beautiful one, her waving hairs with Thai-cuts, her delighting expression."

Woah, I just realized it was my childhood crush. This very picture rolled in my head today when I saw a little girl with bunch of children playing and giggling. It was probably one of the best moments of my childhood but I am not sure if it really happened. Anyway we all had moments ; sweet or bitter. The only thing we have do is relate and connect :)

It was She.

                                                                                                   Writer: Mahesh Aryal      

Chapter: 1(Late night call …….)

"Kush baby, aren’t you going to bed today?"” Bimlesh cried to me as I was disturbing him sitting late night.

“Yup, five minutes more Bimlesh to close my assignment file, just five minutes more." I acted as if I was doing something like crime sitting so late and apologizing for that.

One thing about the homework’s and project works is that you can give a time to it only a night before its presentation.

Beep…! Beep….! The mobile rang on my study table. I found myself hanging on the table sitting in a chair.

I adjusted myself and again dozed .Beep…! Beep………! The mobile rang again.

“Who the hell…… is that at this midnight?" I difficultly opened my eyes and shouted.

Beep…! Beep….!  The mobile rang again. There were already four missed calls .I felt the phone ringing more loudly than usually.

“Ass…..” I murmured. At last I reached my cell phone.

“Hello, who is that?”

“Hi, I am Anushka, are you Shreya?”

Girrrrrrrrl….I became quite excited and became awaken. I don’t know what boys find something exciting in girls.

“Sorry, I am Kush and I really don’t know the Shreya you are searching for.” I answered her in a sorry voice.

“Don’t you know she works in Nabil bank, Kathmandu?”

I clarified her that there is no such person over there.

The next day I became ready for my college as usual. Before leaving my room I stood in front of mirror and smiled looking my image.

“Is there any girl for this guy? “, thinking that I went to college that day but couldn't forget yester-night’s conversation.

Chapter: 2 (The college girl)

“Hello, Can I get the way?" a college dressed young girl cried next to me.

She was in navy blue skirt, grey shirt with same colored sweater. Her face was partly covered with a green scarf.

“Huh!"I replied.

“I am sorry, Can I get the way?”She asked for a way to have next to me.

It was my usual college trip after I joined +2 in Kathmandu. But there were many usual but inconvenient experiences about the college trips on city buses. One is that you can't get city bus in time; another if you get it fortunately you can't have a seat. Luckily, it was a rare lucky day for me.

“Yeah, get it please?"I replied.

I gave her a seat next to walking lane and took a sit next to her near to the window. I thought my trip was going to be interesting one. But there was also a reason in choosing a seat next to the window because you can enjoy the scenario if you haven't anything interesting to do. It's better than remaining silence for minutes like hours when you are next to a stranger.

She was wearing grey stockings which paired my pants. She was fair and smiling with curly hairs, part of it was sticking on her nose with the specs.

The very boring thing happened then. I looked towards the window, she turned away. We were very helpless to start a conversation .I stared her image at the windows. I felt as if she was also looking at me.

One thing about the presence of girl next to you have a certain type of induction which makes you feel serious and thinking something. Moreover if a beautiful girl sits next to you, you may feel fixed in your seat.

She gave me a strange look. I again removed my eyes to the walls of the bus. She was engaged on her cell phone.

I felt that she was giving me damn care.

I thought to ask her where she was going and what was the time, she suddenly stood up to get off from the bus.

“Bullshit" I said in a very small volume. I didn't know how that word came.

“What?”She cried.

“Oh! Not anything, bye!" I replied smiling. She also smiled in a surprise and departed. That was the only sucking smile I get from her that day.

The days went on like that. The busy schedules, exploiting integration, I had nothing to do except that.

Chapter: 3 (Again a Call…….)

One night I had a phone call again.

I picked it up and started.

“Hello who is that?”

“I am that who you may not have known or forgotten, do you remember Anushka?"

“Oh! Hello, I am sorry I could not recognize you."

 I am in surprise why boys feel so fast sorry in front of girls.

 A silence remained for few seconds but I hated silence.

“How do you do, Anushka"

“I am at least fine, you felt disturbed that night. I am calling you to apologize for that night.”

"Nup! That’s not a problem and what is in that at least. Are you ok fren! , Can I say you friend?” I tried to make us friendlier.

“That’s not your problem fren...I felt better with that fren."

“Yup, not much older to solve all that, am I right Miss Anushka.” I felt something close to her.

“Better to say bye Kush, keep on calling.”

She hung up I think giving damn care to me.

Chapter: 4 (Again that College Girl)

After few days the same silent girl seemed in a bus. She had a physics practical note and a book with a big bold E=mc² on her right hand, and a blue bag on another hand. The big problem was that I didn’t have any vacant seat next to me. She was trying to make her easy by leaning on the seat next to me. I didn't show any courage to ask her to have seat or ask her to give me her books to hold.

“Hi, can you hold this bag for minutes." She asked me for help.

I became quite nervous about an idea of help but I ejected my hands to hold her bag. I became sure that she had forgotten our previous boring trip. I also told her to give her book also but she denied.

“Give it to me.”  I told her as I felt that she was feeling difficulty to stand with those books. I did not know why this feeling of pity came for her .She gave me her books then. I relief reflected from her beautiful eyes. I stared to them for few more seconds.

“Hello Can I get my bag.”She said in a thankful voice.

"Thank you ....."She said and took her things.

She leaved the bus in the same station at Gausala as before.

I gave her a welcome smile .I found a card on the floor named Anu Bhatia. I found the vast differences in her real self and photograph.

                                 

Chapter: 5, (Kush gave a call…….)

“Hello, Anushka how are you, Fine?”

“Oh! Kush thanks for remembering me!”She screamed in a loud voice.

"How was your day…?"

“Fine and yours..!”

“As usual…"

“And how about your study buddy, what are you studying, where?" she asked.

"Management at Gausala….!”

"Oh I am at Chabbhil "she told me as if she was very happy.

“In which level Kush "she asked me.

“Eleven……” I feel proud thinking that I am grown up now.

“And you?”

“Same level, science but I am not good one.” She answered with her beautiful laugh.

"Seeeeeeee you, my mama is coming.” she tried to end the call.

“Wait why are you so hurry to say bye every time, I…..”I tried to stop her to hang up.

“Better to chat next day, bye…Good night.’’ She cut my sentence and hung up.

We began to talk to each other once a day usually. We shared problems and other personal stuffs.   In our chatting we usually have question like how was the day, how was your presentation, why are you listening depressed today! When are we meeting? Etc. I really felt she wanted me but I was not so serious about that. The problem was that I have not seen her.

Chapter 6: (A Situation ………..)

As usual the days were normal. One day I met Anu Bhatia. That day she was next to me across the walking lane. I called her and gave her id card. After that silence broke off and a new friendship started. I used to reserve her seat or help her by holding her bag and sometime leaving a seat for her. I don't know how I began to like her. One day I proposed her. I didn't expect ‘no’ but it was a big ‘NO’." It is not love Mukesh it is only a friend ship." she answered me.

 I don’t know how girl feels so easy to say these lines.

She also told me that she was in love with someone else.

Chapter: 7(Its a real situation ……..)

I didn't answer Anushka’s call for next four days. Yeah, it is really hard to bear agony of rejection.

The next morning a phone call came. 

“Hello Kush this is Anushka, what happened to u huh? Why are you not receiving my phone and what do think, Can you give up your friend easily?” She cried on me in anger tone.

I told her that I had just faced a rejection and sorry for not receiving phone calls of her. I cried in front of her first time.

“Don’t you feel someone really cares for you?”She said me.

 She called me to meet each other for the first time.

“Don’t you feel I am mean?" I asked her.

“Whatever it be I want you and I will wait for you. Ok, see you at 5 tomorrow at dream garden.”

I also felt that I need her.

"Love you, Anushka” I cried.

“You are a boy Na, I will be there waiting for u.”She laughed at me.

“Good night and care you” she said.

"Same for u” I replied.

Chapter: 8 (It’s going to be A PASSIONATE CLIMAX)

Next morning I became ready to usual trip to my college but it would be different one because I goanna see her and that would be a new daybreak in my life.

Anu was also on same bus with her college uniform in addition she was wearing a heart shaped big hair clip but almost at last seat. As usual she left at the same stop.

 At 5:00, I reached dream garden and bought a ticket. I went inside. I never imagined it was such a gorgeous place. But I was only expecting her.

I saw a girl with the rose wearing college dress like Anu wears. With my throbbing heart, I went to her.

“Anushka…!" I called her. She turned to me. I didn’t believe it was the same Anu.

"Oh! Kush…...”

She came to me and gave me a tight hug I never felt before and kissed and kissed.